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The Shidduch (Hebrew: שידוך, pl. shidduchim שידוכים) is a system of matchmaking in which Jewish singles are introduced to one another in Orthodox Jewish communities for the purpose of marriage. Hebrew redirects here. ... This page refers to human matchmakers, for modern matchmaking which tends to substitute information technology or game-like rules for the experts finesse see dating system. ... Orthodox Judaism is the formulation of Judaism that adheres to a relatively strict interpretation and application of the laws and ethics first canonised in the Talmudic texts (Oral Torah) and as subsequently developed and applied by the later authorities known as the Gaonim, Rishonim, and Acharonim. ...

Contents

The practice

In strictly Orthodox Jewish circles, dating is limited to the search for a marriage partner. Both sides (usually the parents, close relatives or friends of the persons involved) make inquiries about the prospective partner, e.g. on his/her character, intelligence, level of learning, financial status, family and health status, appearance and level of religious observance. Torah study is the study by Jews of the Torah, Tanakh, Talmud, responsa, rabbinic literature and similar works, all of which are Judaisms religious texts, for the purpose of the mitzvah (commandment) of Torah study itself, meaning study for religious (as opposed to academic) purposes. ...


A shidduch often begins with a recommendation from family members, friends or others who see matchmaking as a mitzvah, or good deed. Some engage in it as a profession and charge a fee for their services. A professional matchmaker is called a shadchan. This article is about commandments in Judaism. ...


After the match has been proposed, the prospective partners meet a number of times to gain a sense of whether they are right for one another. The number of dates prior to announcing an engagement may vary by community. In some, the dating continues several months. In stricter communities, the couple may decide within a few days.


Those who support marriage by shidduch believe that it complies with traditional Judaism's outlook on Tzeniut, modest behaviour in relations between men and women, and prevents promiscuity. It may also be helpful in small Jewish communities where meeting prospective marriage partners is more difficult. This article or section does not cite its references or sources. ... Tzeniut (or Tznius or Tzniut) (Hebrew: צניעות, modesty) is a term used within Judaism. ... “Promiscuous” redirects here. ...


Also, the decision as to whether or not the mate is good can be made with the emotional boundary of the shadchan who, if so desired by the couple, can call and talk to either side in the beginning stages of the dating to iron out issues that can crop up during the dating process. Usually as the couple see more of each other the shadchan backs away and lets the couple manage it for themselves. It's expected that the couple keep the shadchan up-to-date on how the shidduch is going at regular intervals.


If, for some reason, the shidduch does not work out, then usually the shadchan is contacted and it is he/she that tells the other side that it will not be going ahead. If the shidduch works out then the couple inform the shadchan of the success.


Sometimes named as negative aspects are the disadvantages to young people with medical or psychiatric issues, financial, family or sibling issues, chronic diseases, people with disabilities, people from broken homes, orphans, converts, and baalei teshuva (returnees to Orthodoxy). Often the disadvantaged end up being matched with people with other disadvantages. It can also reduce the amount of choice for the prospective partners themselves. For the chemical substances known as medicines, see medication. ... Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. ... For other uses, see Orphan (disambiguation). ... This article does not cite any references or sources. ...


Biblical matchmaking

The first recorded shidduch in the Hebrew Bible (a.k.a. Old Testament) was the match that Eliezer, the servant of the Jewish patriarch Abraham, made for his master's son Isaac (Genesis Ch. 24). Abraham gave him specific instructions to choose a woman from Abraham's own tribe. Eliezer traveled to his master's homeland to fulfill Abraham's wishes, arriving at a well. After a short prayer to God for guidance, describing how a virtuous woman might act toward a traveling stranger at the well, Rebekah appeared on the scene and did everything described in Eliezer's prayer. Eliezer then went with Rebekah to her family and appealed them for permission to take Rebekah back with him to be Isaac's wife. Once this permission was granted, Rebekah joined Eliezer on the road home to Isaac. Even so, Isaac gained his own impression of her before agreeing to marry her (Rashi, commentary to Genesis 24:67). Topics in Christianity Movements · Denominations · Other religions Ecumenism · Preaching · Prayer Music · Liturgy · Calendar Symbols · Art · Criticism Important figures Apostle Paul · Church Fathers Constantine · Athanasius · Augustine Anselm · Aquinas · Palamas · Luther Calvin · Wesley Arius · Marcion of Sinope Archbishop of Canterbury · Catholic Pope Coptic Pope · Ecumenical Patriarch Christianity Portal This box:      Note: Judaism... Eliezer (אֱלִיעֶזֶר / אֱלִיעָזֶר Help/Court of my God, Standard Hebrew Eliʿézer / Eliʿázer, Tiberian Hebrew ʾĔlîʿézer / ʾĔlîʿāzer) was Moses and Zipporahs second son. ... For other uses, see Abraham (name) and Abram (disambiguation). ... Sacrifice of Isaac, a detail from the sarcophagus of the Roman consul Junius Bassus, ca. ... For other uses, see Genesis (disambiguation). ... Rebekah (Rebecca or Rivkah) (רִבְקָה Captivating, Enchantingly Beautiful, Noose or Snare, Standard Hebrew Rivqa, Tiberian Hebrew Riḇqāh) is the wife of Isaac. ...


However, when Eliezer proposes to take Rebecca back to Isaac in Canaan, he is told by Rebecca's family: "Let us ask the maiden" (i.e. Rebekah). This is taken as an instruction for Jewish parents to weigh their child's opinion in the balance during an arranged marriage. Regardless of whether proper procedure is followed, this is not the end of the decision - it is believed by Jews that the final say belongs to God, who may have different plans (compare with the match of Jacob & Leah). // [[Image:]] Map of Canaan For other uses, see Canaan (disambiguation). ... Marriage à-la-mode by William Hogarth: a satire on arranged marriages and prediction of ensuing disaster The purpose of an arranged marriage is to form a new family unit by marriage while respecting the chastity of all people involved. ... This article is about Jacob in the Hebrew Bible. ... Look up Leah, לֵאָה in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. ...


Talmudic references

The Talmud (tractate Kiddushin 41a) states that a man may not marry a woman until having seen her first. This edict is based on the Torah statement: "Love your neighbour (re'acha) like yourself" (Leviticus 19:18), where the word "neighbour" can be interpreted as "spouse". In other words, a marriage that is arranged so completely that the prospective couple has not even seen each other is strongly discouraged, as it is likely to be uncomfortable for the couple. The Talmud (Hebrew: ) is a record of rabbinic discussions pertaining to Jewish law, ethics, customs, and history. ... Template:Jews and Jewdaism Template:The Holy Book Named TorRah The Torah () is the most valuable Holy Doctrine within Judaism,(and for muslims) revered as the first relenting Word of Ulllah, traditionally thought to have been revealed to Blessed Moosah, An Apostle of Ulllah. ... Leviticus is the third book of the Hebrew Bible, also the third book in the Torah (five books of Moses). ... Marriage à-la-mode by William Hogarth: a satire on arranged marriages and prediction of ensuing disaster The purpose of an arranged marriage is to form a new family unit by marriage while respecting the chastity of all people involved. ...


The etymology of the words "shidduch" and "shadchan" is uncertain. The Medieval Rabbi Nissim of Gerona (commonly called Ran) traces it back to the Aramaic word for "calm" (cf. Targum to Judges 5:31), and elaborates that the main purpose of the shidduch process is for young people to "settle down" into marriage (Commentary of the Ran to Talmud, Shabbat 10a). For the town in Italy, see Rabbi, Italy. ... Rabbi Nissim ben Reuven (1320 - 1380) of Girona was an influential talmudist and authority in Jewish law. ... Aramaic is a Semitic language with a four-thousand year history. ... A targum (plural: targumim) is an Aramaic translation of the Hebrew Bible (Tanakh) written or compiled in the Land of Israel or in Babylonia from the Second Temple period until the early Middle Ages (late first millennium). ... Book of Judges (Hebrew: Sefer Shoftim ספר שופטים) is a book of the Bible originally written in Hebrew. ...


Medical aspects

Considering the prevalence of a number of genetic diseases in both the Ashkenazi and Sephardi communities, several organisations (most notably Dor Yeshorim) routinely screen large groups of young people anonymously, only handing them a telephone number and a PIN. When a shidduch is suggested, the candidates can phone the organisation, enter both their PINs, and find out whether their union could result in critically disabled children. Although occasionally receiving criticism, the construction has led to a sharp decrease in the number of children born with Tay-Sachs disease and other genetic disorders. A genetic disorder is a condition caused by abnormalities in genes or chromosomes. ... Ashkenazi Jews, also known as Ashkenazic Jews or Ashkenazim (אַשְׁכֲּנָזִי אַשְׁכֲּנָזִים Standard Hebrew, Aškanazi,Aškanazim, Tiberian Hebrew, ʾAškănāzî, ʾAškănāzîm, pronounced sing. ... Sephardim (ספרדי, Standard Hebrew Səfardi, Tiberian Hebrew ardî; plural Sephardim: ספרדים, Standard Hebrew Sfaradim, Tiberian Hebrew ) are a subgroup of Jews, generally defined in contrast to Ashkenazim and/or . ... Dor Yeshorim (Hebrew: generation [that is] straight/reliable) is an organization that offers genetic screening to members of Orthodox Jewish communities. ... Tay-Sachs disease (abbreviated TSD, also known as GM2 gangliosidosis, Hexosaminidase A deficiency or Sphingolipidosis) is a genetic disorder, fatal in its most common variant known as Infantile Tay-Sachs disease. ...


Criticism

The process of shidduchim is the subject of some criticism, mainly for being "unromantic" and too closely resembling the practice of arranged marriages. However, this is not really the case as there is no requirement in the Shidduch process to marry the person being dated. It is simply an arranged date, through which romance can blossom, and most certainly not an arranged marriage. It should be noted that those using this matchmaking process have a far lower divorce rate than the US standard. The numbers given are under 6%. [citation needed] One counter-argument to this, of course, is that divorce is much more discouraged among Orthodox Jews than among the rest of the US population, so divorce rates are not necessarily indicators of marital success. Shidduchim also limit the number of potential mates for people with perceived disadvantages (as mentioned above). This article primarily discusses philosophical ideologies in relation to the subject of romantic love. ... Marriage à-la-mode by William Hogarth: a satire on arranged marriages and prediction of ensuing disaster The purpose of an arranged marriage is to form a new family unit by marriage while respecting the chastity of all people involved. ...


Cultural and literary references

In Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye the Milkman's daughters have trouble finding a suitable match. The matchmaking is conducted by an old widow named Yente. For the film, see Fiddler on the Roof (film) Fiddler on the Roof is a well-known Tony Award-winning musical with music by Jerry Bock, lyrics by Sheldon Harnick, and book by Joseph Stein, set in Tsarist Russia in 1905. ...


See also

Bais Yaakov or Beit Yaakov or Beth Jacob (literally House [of] Jacob in Hebrew) is a loosely-organized group of Orthodox Jewish day schools throughout the world for young Jewish females from religious families. ... Bashert, (Hebrew: באַשערט, also transliterated besherte, beshert or besherter) is a Yiddish word that means destiny.[1] It is usually used in the context of ones Heavenly foreordained spouse or soul mate, and thus has very romantic overtones. ... Judaism considers marriage to be the ideal state of existence; a man without a wife, or a woman without a husband, are considered incomplete. ... Negiah (נגיעה meaning contact or connection or touch in Hebrew) is the concept in Jewish law (Halakha) that restricts (or forbids) physical contact with, or touching of, a member of the opposite sex (particularly in an erotic manner), except for ones spouse, children, and parents. ... Niddah (or nidah, nidda, nida; Hebrew:נִדָּה) is a Hebrew term which literally means separation, generally considered to refer to separation from ritual impurity[1]; Ibn Ezra argues that it is related to the term menaddekem, meaning cast you out[2]. The term niddah appears in the biblical description of the... Rebbetzin (in Yiddish, or Rabbanit in Hebrew) is the title used for the wife of (usually) an Orthodox, or Haredi, and Hasidic rabbi. ... The role of women in Judaism is determined by the Hebrew Bible, Talmud (oral law), tradition and by non-religious cultural factors. ... Shalom Bayit (Shalom Bayis - hassidim spelling)- peace at home. ... Tzeniut (or Tznius or Tzniut) (Hebrew: צניעות, modesty) is a term used within Judaism. ... Yichud (Hebrew:ייחוד) in halacha (Jewish religious laws) refer to forbidden seclusion between a man and a woman, that are not married to each other, in a closed room or a private area. ...

Books

  • Shani Stein. "The Survival Guide to Shidduchim". New York, NY: Feldheim publishers, 1997. ISBN 1-56871-132-8.
  • Leah Jacobs, Shaindy Mark. "Shidduch Secrets". Shaar Press, 2006. ISBN 1-42260-220-6.

External links

  • Arranged Marriages? chabad.org
  • Does Everything Have To Make Sense? The deeper truths of matchmaking

  Results from FactBites:
 
Shidduch and Dates (1414 words)
Shidduchs are very common amongst the religious for centuries as the proper means to meet their life mate.
In a shidduch, a neutral place (which is not a place of entertainment) is selected, and the conversation is the main focus.
A shidduch is a hands-free event, for the schmuching (hugging and kissing) would cloud the purpose of the event, the proper evaluation of the other.
Shidduch - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (1077 words)
Shidduch (or shiduch) (Hebrew: שידוך, pl. shid[d]uchim שידוכים) means a "[a] match" between a man and a woman, as well as the system of introducing eligible and marriageable singles to each other in Orthodox Jewish communities.
In many groups belonging to Orthodox Judaism, dating between the sexes is limited to the search of a partner for marriage, and only follows a period during which both sides (usually the parents, close relatives or friends of the persons involved) make inquiries on the prospective partner, e.g.
A shidduch is often begun by a suggestion from close family members, friends or by people (men and women) who have made this process their hobby or even their vocation (a shadchan).
  More results at FactBites »

 
 

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