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Encyclopedia > Bloody Stupid Johnson
Characters from
Terry Pratchett's Discworld series
Character details
Full name: Bergholt Stuttley Johnson
Description: Architect (after a fashion)
Associations:
Location: Ankh-Morpork
Story appearances
First seen:
Also in:
Other details
Notes:

Johnson, Bergholt Stuttley, known as Bloody Stupid Johnson, is a landscape gardener and inventor on the Discworld (a fictional world created by author Terry Pratchett), and is mentioned in a number of books. Terence David John Pratchett OBE is an English fantasy author (born April 28, 1948, in Beaconsfield, Buckinghamshire, England), best known for his Discworld series. ... Cover art of The Colour of Magic by Josh Kirby Discworld is a series of thirty-four fantasy novels and a number of shorter works by Terry Pratchett set on the Discworld, a flat world on the back of a giant turtle that adheres (loosely) to the conventions of classical... Ankh-Morpork is a fictional city-state which features in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of fantasy novels. ... Landscape architecture is the art, planning, design, management, preservation and rehabilitation of the land and the design of man-made constructs. ... An inventor is a person who creates new inventions, typically technical devices such as mechanical, electrical or software devices or methods. ... The Discworld is the setting for all of Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of novels. ... A fictional universe is a cohesive fictional world that serves as the setting or backdrop for one or (more commonly) multiple works of fiction. ... Terence David John Pratchett OBE is an English fantasy author (born April 28, 1948, in Beaconsfield, Buckinghamshire, England), best known for his Discworld series. ...


Although evidently able in certain fields, Johnson is notorious for his complete inability to produce anything according to specification or common sense. This fact never stopped him from trying, however. He is also known as Bloody Stupid "It Might Look A Bit Messy Now But Just You Come Back In Five Hundred Years' Time" Johnson and Bloody Stupid "Look, The Plans Were The Right Way Round When I Drew Them" Johnson.


The most obvious flaw in Johnson's abilities is his blind spot when it comes to marking units on his plans; examples include the Colossus of Morpork, which is currently kept in a matchbox in the Dwarf Bread Museum, and the ornamental cruet set commissioned by Mad Lord Snapcase — the saltshaker currently houses four families and they use the pepper mill to store grain. Those few of his works that are approximately the right scale typically either work in unexpected ways, or simply have a tendency to spontaneously detonate. His attempts at landscape gardening are equally surprising, including the enormous artificial hillock in front of Quirm Manor ("It'd drive me mad to have to look at a bunch of trees and mountains all day long, how about you?") and the hoho in the Ankh-Morpork Palace grounds, which is like a haha but fifty feet deep. His other works consist of a trout-pond in the grounds of the Patrician's palace that, due to the usual misunderstandings surrounding Johnson's work, is an ornamental trout pond that is only an inch wide, yet more than 100 feet in length. Colossus may refer to: A colossus, a giant statue. ... Ankh-Morpork is a fictional city-state which features in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of fantasy novels. ... A cruet (plural cruets) is a small container used to keep wine and water during the celebration of Holy Mass. ... Landscape gardening refers to the art of creating a sculptured look to large or small scale gardens. ... The requested page title was invalid, empty, an incorrectly linked inter-language or inter-wiki title, or contained illegal characters. ...


While most of Johnson's designs are simply unusual, some of them seem to tap into strange forces, probably by mistake, The most obvious examples of this are the Mail Sorter and Empirical Crescent, but the tendency of his landscape work to spontaneously explode may be an indication of the same phenomenon. It has been suggested that he may have inadvertently achieved the exact opposite of constructing in cosmic harmony with the power of ley lines. Ley lines are alignments of a number of places of geographical interest, such as ancient megaliths. ...


The fact that he continued to receive commissions after the defects in his abilities became apparent is considered to be the ultimate expression of the apparent thinking behind the Victorian follies, i.e. an indication that the person commissioning the work can afford to waste money like this. It became quite fashionable to have your house or garden 'Johnsoned'. This view of Johnson's abilities was not universal, however: it is believed that the town house of the Ramkin family — a rather pleasant old house with well-designed gardens — was never worked on by Johnson because he was shot in the leg by the then owner while walking up its drive one day. Despite this, B. S. Johnson was, in his strange way, a genius. Certainly no one else could produce an explosive mixture from nothing more than common and and water. Queen Victoria (shown here on the morning of her Accession to the Throne, 20 June 1837) gave her name to the historic era The Victorian era of Great Britain is considered the height of the British industrial revolution and the apex of the British Empire. ... Broadway Tower, England The folly at Wimpole Hall, England High Service Water Tower (1895), Lawrence, Massachusetts. ...


Generally assumed to be dead in the time of most of the books, Johnson is never seen, but was certainly alive around the time of the main events of Night Watch: Mr Snapcase took up the Patricianship in the course of the events chronicled at that time, and he could only have commissioned the Ornamental Cruet Set from Johnson after becoming Patrician. This is also approximately when Johnson must have created the ill fated mail sorter, as dates in Going Postal suggest that this occurred 30 years before the events chronicled there. Given the nature of the sorter, this may not be a problem. Night Watch is the 29th novel in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series, published in 2002. ... Memorial of the 1986 post office incident in Edmond, Oklahoma. ...


Johnson's name and abilities are a parody of Capability Brown. While some see a pun in the initials B.S.J. (the reverse of J.S.B., the initials for the famous real world composer Johann Sebastian Bach), Pratchett has stated (online and in The Discworld Companion) that this was not intentional. Lancelot Brown (1716 – 6 February 1783), more commonly known as Capability Brown, was an English landscape gardener. ... Bach redirects here. ... The Discworld Companion is an encyclopedia to all things Discworldian, created by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs. ...

Contents


Notable creations

Organs

Johnson created a number of organs, the most famous ones residing at Unseen University (and called Our Mighty Organ by Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully, much to the displeasure of the staff), at the Ankh-Morpork Opera House, and at Don'tgonearthe Castle (owned by the Magpyr family of vampires) in Überwald. Organ in Katharinenkirche, Frankfurt am Main, Germany Modern style pipe organ at the concert hall of Aletheia University in Matou, Taiwan The organ is a keyboard instrument with one or more manuals, and usually a pedalboard. ... The Coat of Arms of Unseen University. ... The penis (plural penises or penes) or phallus is an external male sexual organ. ... // History (Latin Archicancellarius) Effective An archichancellor is the highest chancellor of a major chancery See also Grand chancellor Honorary In the Holy Roman empire, the style Erzkanzler (literally archchancellor) was one of the Erzamter awarded as high profile sinecures to the Prince-Electors, and the only one with multiple incidence... Mustrum Ridcully is a fictional character in the Discworld novels of Terry Pratchett. ... An opera house is a building where operas are performed. ... Further reading Christopher Frayling - Vampyres: Lord Byron to Count Dracula 1992. ... In Terry Pratchetts fictional Discworld universe, Ãœberwald is a region located in near the foot of the Ramtops, farther from Ankh-Morpork than Lancre is. ...


Besides functioning as normal organs, Johnson's instruments include a number of less conventional voices. The UU organ, for example, includes such voices as Thunderstorm, Whoopee Cushion, Squashed Toad and Squashed Rabbits, in addition to the "terrae motus", or Earthquake Pipe — although no-one is allowed to use it since the time it caused the University to move several inches on its foundations. This organ's other major feature is several keys that are marked '?'. The organ at Don'tgonearthe Castle was specially built to accommodate the tastes of a traditionalist vampire, and features the specialist voices of Wolf Howl, Thunderclap, Scream and Creaky Floors. Its chord generators, for example 'Ghastly Face at Window', play various combinations of the voices.


Bathrooms

To date only one Johnson bathroom has been discovered (the Patent 'Typhoon' Superior Indoor Ablutorium with Automatic Soap Dish). It was found behind a boarded-up door hidden behind a bookcase in the Archchancellor's rooms at UU, and was promptly opened up by order of Mustrum Ridcully. The bathroom features a number of unusual water spouts and fountains, such as the 'Old Faithful' facility and the 'Musical Pipes' enhancement, interlocked with the university's organ. These have been found to have the same kind of unexpected behaviour as Johnson's other devices, and as a result the bathroom was later sealed up again after an unfortunate incident when the Librarian was playing Bubbla's Catastrophe suite on the UU organ while the Archchancellor was having a shower. Mustrum Ridcully is a fictional character in the Discworld novels of Terry Pratchett. ... Old Faithful Geyser, short period eruption The Old Faithful Geyser, located in Yellowstone National Park is perhaps the worlds most famous geyser. ...


Monuments and Landscape Design

Johnson has designed a number of monuments and landmarks, including the inch-high Colossus of Ankh-Morpork, the pocket-sized Hanging Gardens of Ankh and the minuscule Quirm Memorial. He was also commissioned to construct an arch to commemorate the Battle of Crumhorn — this arch is now kept in a cardboard box.


His efforts in landscape design are especially noteworthy, and the Ankh-Morpork palace gardens are considered to be his greatest accomplishment. It is here that we find such creations as the hoho, which is a fifty feet deep haha, the gargantuan beehive currently used as a pigeon cote in the absence of ten feet long bees, a structure referred to only as the "Johnson Exploding Pagoda", and the chiming sundial that also tends to explode around noon. In the palace grounds is also a maze so small that people get lost looking for it. Another notable feature is the ornamental trout lake, built 150 yards long, but, sadly, only one inch wide. It currently houses one trout that is quite content provided it doesn't want to turn around. At one point there was also an ornate fountain which, upon being turned on, did nothing but groan ominously for several minutes before firing a small stone cherub a thousand feet into the air. The requested page title was invalid, empty, an incorrectly linked inter-language or inter-wiki title, or contained illegal characters. ...


The Post Office Mail Sorter

Originally intended to be another of Johnson's famous organs, this device was remodelled into a mail sorter in his continual striving for functional improvement. Johnson used in the sorter various gears and other rotating components which for tidiness he constructed with the value of exactly 3 (rather than the customary "three and a bit") as the ratio between their circumference and their diameter. The Sorter itself came to be known as the New Pie, and eventually caused the downfall of the Ankh-Morpork postal service as the machine started sorting mail that hadn't been written yet. (A reference to the idea that Pi is believed to be a normal number, and as a result it contains every possible combination of numbers somewhere in it, which decoded into letters in any way would sooner or later produce every possible text that could ever exist, including everything previously written, yet to be written or, indeed, never to be written. Another Discworld reference to this mathematical curiosity is Ponder Stibbons' work as "Reader of Invisible Writings" at Unseen University.) The damage caused to space-time in the immediate vicinity of the machine made it a significant health hazard, and when this was considered in combination with the ever-increasing volume of not-yet-written mail, the machine was taken out of service and smashed up by a senior postman. The remains are still installed in the basement of the Post Office; as they are still hazardous, there is no obvious means of removing them. Lower-case π (the lower case letter is usually used for the constant) The mathematical constant π is an irrational number, approximately equal to 3. ... Lower-case π (the lower case letter is usually used for the constant) The mathematical constant π is an irrational number, approximately equal to 3. ... In mathematics, a normal number is, roughly speaking, a real number whose digits show a random distribution with all digits being equally likely. ... In the fictional universe of Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of books, Ponder Stibbons is a wizard in Unseen University. ... The Coat of Arms of Unseen University. ...


Empirical Crescent

Empirical Crescent is a street in a fashionable area of Morpork just off Park Lane, which is generally a high-rent district. Rents would be considerably higher were it not for the continued existence of Empirical Crescent, which still stands despite the best efforts of the Ankh-Morpork Historical Preservation Society. The Crescent is a product of Johnson's unique multi-dimensional approach to architecture. On the outside it is a perfectly normal street, but inside the front door of No.1 opens into the back bedroom of No.15, the ground floor window of No.3 showed the view from the second storey of No.9 and smoke from the dining-room fireplace of No.2 came out of the chimney of No.19. No residents tend to stay in Empirical Crescent for more than a few months and always leave very quickly (usually without taking time to pack the furniture). It is possible that Empirical Crescent's connections form a tesseract, but given Johnson's architectural abilities it seems most unlikely that he actually intended to construct one. In geometry, the tesseract is the 4-dimensional analog of the cube. ...


This may possibly be a reference to the classic 1950s science-fiction tale, "—And He Built a Crooked House—", about an unconventional architect who builds a house out of a tesseract reduced to three dimensions, and then comes to find that an earthquake has collapsed it into a single block containing every room in the entire three story house (though each room remains physically connected to the others, as well as to several other places, including the top of the Empire State Building and, interestingly, nowhere, a place where space and time are not). —And He Built a Crooked House— is a science fiction short story by Robert A. Heinlein first published in Astounding Science Fiction in March 1941. ... The Empire State Building is a 102-story contemporary Art Deco style building in New York City, declared by the ASCE to be one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern World. ... Nowhere can refer to: the lack of a location; Nowhere, a 1985 novel by Thomas Berger. ...


Cooking

In addition to his engineering and architecture, Johnson is also known for his occasional attempts at cooking. Dishes designed by Johnson frequently encounter problems similar to those found in his landscape work — a wedding cake made by him, for example, had as its frosting a substance harder than cement, and was eventually used as a bandstand. His most remarkable work in this field was the Individual Fruit Pie, a gargantuan pastry which exploded during baking and demolished several city blocks. Amongst the ingredients was a single clove. Cooking is an act of preparing food for eating. ... Categories: Buildings and structures stubs ... Binomial name Syzygium aromaticum (L.) Merrill & Perry Cloves (Syzygium aromaticum, syn. ...

The Discworld
Characters:

Albert - Angua - Carrot Ironfoundersson - Cohen the Barbarian - Fred Colon - Death - Detritus - Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler - Gaspode - Greebo - Igor - Bloody Stupid Johnson - Leonard of Quirm - The Librarian - Lu-Tze - The Luggage - Mort - C.W.St J. Nobbs - Susan Sto Helit - Rincewind - Twoflower - Havelock Vetinari - Samuel Vimes - The Witches - Ysabell - Discworld gods - more... The Discworld is the setting for all of Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of novels. ... Albert is a character from Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of novels, first appearing in Mort Albert, known as Alberto Malich when he founded the Unseen University, tried to perform the Rite of AshkEnte backwards in order to gain immortality. ... Delphine Angua von Ãœberwald is a character from the Discworld novels of Terry Pratchett. ... Carrot Ironfoundersson is a corporal in, and later captain of, the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, of Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... Cohen the Barbarian is a fictional character in Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... Fred Colon is a fictional character in the Discworld novels of Terry Pratchett. ... Death is a fictional character in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series. ... Detritus is a fictional character in Terry Pratchetts Discworld. ... Cut Me Own Throat (C.M.O.T) Dibbler is one of the numerous bit part characters that enrich the world of Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... Gaspode is a small terrier-like dog featured in seven of Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... This article refers to the Discworld character. ... Igor is a recurring set of characters in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of novels. ... Leonard of Quirm is a fictional character in the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. ... The Librarian of Unseen University is one of the most popular characters in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of fantasy novels. ... Lu-Tze is a character in the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. ... The Luggage appears in some of the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. ... Mort is a fictional character from Terry Pratchetts Discworld. ... Cecil Wormsborough St. ... Susan Sto Helit is a fictional character who features in three of Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels - Soul Music, Hogfather, and Thief of Time. ... Rincewind is a fictional character appearing in the Discworld novels of Terry Pratchett, several of which feature him as the central character. ... Twoflower is a fictional character featuring in some of Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... Lord Havelock Vetinari is the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, the head of the fictional city state of Ankh-Morpork in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series. ... Sam Vimes is a fictional policeman from Terry Pratchetts Discworld series. ... A major subset of the Discworld novels of Terry Pratchett involve the witches of Lancre. ... Ysabell is a fictional character who lives on Terry Pratchetts fictional Discworld. ... The Discworld gods are the fictional deities from Terry Pratchetts Discworld series. ... This article details minor Discworld characters; characters from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett who only appear in the background, or who have only had a brief starring role. ...

Locations:

Ankh-Morpork - Agatean Empire - Borogravia - Death's Domain - Dungeon Dimensions - Ephebe - Genua - Klatch - Lancre - Muntab - Quirm - Sto Lat - Überwald - Unseen University - XXXX - more... Ankh-Morpork is a fictional city-state which features in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of fantasy novels. ... The Agatean Empire is a fictitous country that occupies the Counterweight Continent of Terry Pratchetts Discworld. ... Borogravia is a fictional country in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of novels. ... Deaths Domain is a fictional dimension in Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... In Terry Pratchetts Discworld series, the Dungeon Dimensions are the endless wastelands outside of space and time. ... Ephebe is one of the countries of the Discworld, a fictional world created by Terry Pratchett in a series of novels of the same name. ... Genua is a fictional city from Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... In Terry Pratchetts Discworld series, Klatch is both a country and a continent. ... Lancre (pronounced Lanker) is a fictional country from Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... Muntab is a fictional country in Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... Quirm is a fictional city in Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... Sto Lat is a fictional town in Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels. ... In Terry Pratchetts fictional Discworld universe, Ãœberwald is a region located in near the foot of the Ramtops, farther from Ankh-Morpork than Lancre is. ... The Coat of Arms of Unseen University. ... XXXX or FourEcks (previously known as Terror Incognita) is the name of the Australia-like continent seen in the Discworld novel The Last Continent by Terry Pratchett. ... This is a list of fictional locations in Terry Pratchetts Discworld series. ...

Other:

Calendar - City Watch - Clacks - Guilds - Magic - Post Office - Stealth Chess - Minor Discworld concepts The Discworld calendar was first defined in a footnote in The Colour of Magic, and has been expanded upon in later novels and the Discworld Almanack (2004). ... Coat of arms of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. ... The clacks in Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels is a network of semaphore towers stretching along the Sto Plains, into the Ramtops and across the Unnamed Continent to Genua. ... In Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of fantasy novels, there are almost 300 Guilds in the city of Ankh-Morpork. ... The Discworld in Terry Pratchetts Discworld novels runs on magic. ... The Ankh-Morpork Post Office is featured in the book Going Postal, the most recent addition to British fantasy author Terry Pratchetts Discworld series of books. ... To meet Wikipedias quality standards and to make a clear distinction between fact and fiction, this article may require cleanup. ... This article details minor Discworld concepts: concepts and ideas from the Discworld of novels by Terry Pratchett which only appear in the background, or are not well fleshed out. ...


  Results from FactBites:
 
Bloody Stupid Johnson - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (1735 words)
Johnson's name and abilities are a parody of Capability Brown and also, perhaps, a typically conservative swipe at the experimental novelist B.
Johnson used in the sorter various gears and other rotating components which for tidiness he constructed with the value of exactly three (rather than the customary "three and a bit") as the ratio between their circumference and their diameter.
Bloody Stupid Johnson Leonard of Quirm • The Librarian Lu-Tze • The Luggage • Magpyr family • Mort and Ysabell • Nanny Ogg • C.W. St J. Nobbs • Moist von Lipwig • Mr.
  More results at FactBites »

 
 

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